


I deserve better

by MiriamMT



Series: Smut Gallavich OS [29]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich Happy Ending, M/M, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Recovery, mickey milkovich saves Ian Gallagher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamMT/pseuds/MiriamMT
Summary: Mickey fucks a guy, Josh, when suddenly Josh's boyfriend Ian shows up. Mickey didn't know about the boyfriend and leaves, but later comes back to fuck Ian as well to get even, when he notices that something in Ian and Joshs relationship is seriously wrong. Concerned for the poor man's wellbeing he tries to get him to leave Josh
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Smut Gallavich OS [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550053
Comments: 4
Kudos: 223





	I deserve better

Mickey had met Josh a few weeks ago. He was nothing special, he looked hot, great body, dark hair, even though Mickey preferred redheads. He didn't really care for his personality as much as for his ability to bend him over and fuck him hard.

This was all Mickey wanted from him, a mindless fuck every once in a while, he liked it this way. If he wanted a boyfriend, some kind of committed relationship, he wouldn't choose a guy like Josh. But for the sex he was good enough.

Right now, they were in Josh's apartment, on the couch. Mickey sat on top of the man, riding him. Josh's dick was up his ass, he thrusted into him from underneath, his hands were on Mickey's hips. The Milkovich had his arms wrapped around Josh's neck, because of the bouncing they weren't kissing. Mickey didn't particularly enjoyed kissing Josh all too much. He wasn't very good at it.

Mickey moaned while sliding up and down Josh's dick, one hand wrapped around his own dick, Josh had his face pressed up against Mickey's neck, sucking and licking on his skin.

Suddenly the door to the apartment opened, Mickey looked confused in the direction of the door, a tall man with red hair came in, his eyes were glued to his phone, "Babe, I'm ho-", he looked up and saw Mickey and Josh, he dropped his phone and stared at them shocked.

Mickey stopped moving on top of Josh and the man underneath him quickly pushed him away, "Fuck, Ian, what are you, I mean, it's not what... Fuck"

Mickey started from the stuttering man to the silent one and back.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You've got a boyfriend?", he got up and pulled his boxers back on.  
The boyfriend in question was still silent. Mickey was confused by his behaviour, if he would come home to his boyfriend fucking someone else, he would murder both of them, but Ian just looked shocked and sad, maybe disappointed, but not even angry.

"And neither of you got anything to say?", Mickey asked while getting dressed, "What kind of fucking asshole are you that you don't tell me that you have a boyfriend? Motherfucking cheater."  
"I'm sorry, Mickey, I'm sorry Ian, I- fuck. Mick, could you just go, I'll call you later-"  
"Oh don't you fucking dare to call me, I'm already leaving. You are seriously retarded!", he took the rest of his things and shoes and left the apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+

The door was pulled shut by Mickey and left Ian and Josh in silence in their apartment.

Ian took his phone from the ground and quickly went to the bedroom, Josh followed him.  
"Ian, baby, I'm sorry, please, talk to me"

Ian took his duffle bag from under the bed and started throwing things into it.  
"Ian, what are you doing?"  
"I'm fucking leaving"  
"Ian, no, please, hey, listen to me", Josh took his wrists and made Ian look at him, "You know I only love you."

"You promised it was the last time."  
"I know, I'm sorry, Ian, but he doesn't mean anything to me, I only love you."  
"You said that the other times, but if you love me why do you have to stick your cock into other men the whole time, huh?"

Josh sighed, "You know it's not always easy for me... with your disorder..."  
Ian looked to the ground and bit his lip in embarrassment, like always when someone talked about his disorder.  
"You know I love you, it's just, I needed some distraction. You know that it's not easy for me, but I give my best, because I don't want to lose you."

Ian sat down on the bed.  
"I'm sorry", Ian mumbled, "I know you give your best, you're trying, and I love you for that. But it hurts... every time."  
"And it hurts me when you're manic... or depressed, but I'm not going to leave you, you and I will make it together despite the disorder, Ian."  
"I don't want to hurt you..."  
"I know, it's okay."  
"I'm sorry that I'm such a fuck up", Ian mumbled blinked several times, trying to hold back desperate tears.  
"It's okay Ian, I forgive you. Can you forgive me for Mickey? He didn't mean anything to me, I'm sorry."  
Ian nodded, "Yeah, I forgive you, I know it's hard for you, I'm sorry for freaking out, I love you too."

Josh kissed his forehead, "Now, put your things back, I'll fix us some dinner."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mickey couldn't forget about Josh and his boyfriend. He hated cheaters. His dad always used to cheat on his mum, his brothers on their girlfriends and his sister's boyfriends on her. At some point Mickey got himself a boyfriend and he tried to do everything right. He would have done anything for that guy, he would have stopped the world from turning if he would have asked him to – and despite all that he cheated on him.

Back then Mickey freaked out. Mandy once ran the girl his boyfriend cheated with over with her car. Mickey beat his boyfriend and his affair up and never wanted to see him again.  
But Josh's boyfriend didn't even seem angry, he seemed sad, but that's about it. He didn't even really react to him.

It was so weird to Mickey that he stood in front of Josh's door now. He just wanted to meet the boyfriend. He knocked on the door.

The tall redhead opened up a few seconds later.  
"Yes? Wait, aren't you... Josh's not home."  
"I didn't come to see Josh, I came to see you. Can I come in?"  
"What do you want?"  
"Talk? I'm Mickey."

The guy sighed and let him in, "Name's Ian.", he mumbled, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Josh", Mickey said simply, "Fucking cheater."  
"Why do you care? He didn't cheat on you", Ian said.  
"That doesn't make it less wrong. Besides, he cheated with me, made me some side whore he used to cheat on his boyfriend. Don't fucking like that."

Ian nodded, "Okay, so?"  
Mickey looked him up and down, "What are you doing for the next hour?"  
Ian looked at him confused, "Nothing, why?"  
Mickey smirked, "Well, maybe we can find an activity for you that will make you feel better", he said while slowly walking up to Ian again until he stood close in front of him.

Ian swallowed hard, "Are you suggesting-"  
"That guy thought he could lie to the both of us, use us. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of that", he put his hands on Ian's shoulders and ran them down his shirt while looking into Ian's eyes.  
"You want to fuck me to get back at him?"  
"I want to fuck you because you're hot.", Mickey corrected him, "I came here to do so, because cheating is about power. He thought he had the power to lie to us and keep his little secrets to put us both into positions he wanted us in to play with us all he wanted, like two stupid puppets. I take my power back from him. Care to join?"

Ian looked down at the smaller man. He was hot, he could understand why Josh would cheat on him for someone like Mickey, and now Mickey wanted to fuck him? Must be his lucky day.  
He could have sex with this hot man without feeling like he had to make up his disorder to him, be extra good to not be left because he was sick, since Mickey didn't know about the disorder, he just wanted a quick fuck. Ian could give him that.

Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey's waist and pulled him to him, Mickey smirked up at him and pulled him down to kiss him.

Mickey quickly unbuttoned Ian's flannel shirt while Ian groped Mickey's ass through his jeans.  
Mickey pushed Ian's shirt from his shoulders and Ian quickly pushed Mickey's shirt up and pulled it from his body, he looked at the half naked man and pulled him to the bedroom, he closed the door and kissed Mickey again. The Milkovich ran his hands through Ian's red hair and then down his freckled body again to his pants, Ian had already opened Mickey's jeans and pushed them down until he could slip his hands into Mickey's boxers to grope his ass. Mickey kissed his lips passionately and pushed his pants down until he could grasp his dick and jerk him a few times, he looked down to look if he was as big as he felt in his hands and then looked back up at him and smirked impressed.

What the hell did Josh cheat for? This man had a big dick, was a great kisser, had big warm hands that felt amazing wherever they touched, and he was extremely hot, there was zero reason to cheat on him, ever. Except if Mickey would have been some kind of fucking movie star, but he wasn't, he was just small southside Mickey with his below average dick but great ass – something he was pretty proud of.

Ian finally pushed him down on the bed and pulled his jeans and boxers from his legs, before stepping out of his own pants. Ian crawled up to him, kissing up his body to his face. Mickey looked him in the eyes, he rubbed their crotches together, "Tell me what you want to do with me, Ian", he whispered.

Ian ran his hand down Mickey's body until he grasped both of their cocks, rubbed them together.  
"I want to eat your ass while you suck my cock", Ian said and Mickey moaned lowly while Ian kissed his neck, "Then I want to take you from behind and fuck you better than Josh did, make you fucking scream in pleasure."  
Mickey moaned at his words and kissed him again, "Yeah, you better do that, Red", he smirked and pushed Ian down on the bed. In a swift motion he positioned on top of him, his ass in front of Ian's face, he grasped Ian's cock.

Mickey circled his tongue around Ian's tip, the man was half hard but grew harder in Mickey's mouth immediately. He licked up and down his cock and spread his spit over his length with his fingers, he sucked on his tip and then let him slide deeper into his mouth.

Ian had Mickey's peach ass in front of him, he really looked fucking perfect. He spread his cheeks apart and massaged his hole with his thumb. He collected some spit in his mouth and spat against Mickey's hole, then he circled his tongue around it. He let his tongue flick over his hole, making Mickey moan around his dick.

Ian pushed his tongue into him and pulled out again, flicked it over his hole again, he pushed one finger into him, thrusted it in and out while licking over his hole at the same time.

Mickey moaned and had trouble concentrating on sucking Ian off. He had worked his way down on his cock further, bobbing his head up and down, until he was able to deepthroat him. Ian almost bucked his hips up, but Mickey held him down. Mickey got back up and panted and moaned because Ian was now thrusting two fingers in and out of him, sometimes pulling them out to fuck him with his tongue.

Mickey moaned loudly while jerking Ian off and flicking his tongue over his tip, trying to get his control back for long enough to swallow him down again and suck his dick the way he was supposed to but Ian had his fun making him squirm and moan on top of him.

Mickey finally took him back into his mouth, hallowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down. Ian dug his fingernails into Mickey's ass to not buck his hips up and thrust into Mickey. He ate Mickey out and fingered him to open him up and prepare him to be fucked by him.

When he could thrust three fingers in and out of him, Mickey let go of his dick and got down from Ian. The Gallagher made him position on the bed on his hands and knees and grabbed the lube from the nightstand. He kissed up his back along his spine until he got to his neck, he sucked on his skin and placed a kiss under his ear, "I'm gonna fuck you so good, Mickey, make you scream until my neighbours call the cops"  
Mickey smirked, "Fuck me better than Josh"  
"Oh I will" Ian said grabbed a condom, he applied it quickly and got behind Mickey.

Ian made Mickey spread his legs a little wider and lubed his cock up, he pushed into him until his hips collided with Mickey's ass.

The Milkovich moaned and panted, it's been long since he had such a nice big dick inside of him. He reached down and grasped his own cock, starting to jerk himself off while Ian slowly started thrusting and out of him.

He went slow at first but picked up his pace when he was sure Mickey wasn't uncomfortable. He got faster and Mickey's moans got louder.

Ian grabbed Mickey's hips tightly and thrusted in and out of him in hard, swift motions. Mickey's body jerked for- and backwards with every thrust.

Ian watched his cock sliding in and out of Mickey's perfect bubble butt. "Fuck you're so hot.", he panted and leaned over Mickey, he ran a hand through his black hair, and gently pulled his hair so Mickey pulled his head back, Ian could kiss his face like this.  
Mickey could have laughed about the contrast of Ian's gentle kisses to his hard thrusts, but he was too preoccupied with moaning and being lost in Ian's gentle kisses that he left on his face and his neck along his back.

Mickey grabbed a nearby pillow when he couldn't keep himself up on his arms anymore, he still was on his knees, holding his ass up for Ian, but he rested his body on his arm that he had tucked underneath the pillow. He jerked himself off to Ian's hard thrusts.

With the new position Ian was thrusting into him in another angle and was hitting his prostate, which had Mickey moan even louder and grab the sheets. Ian ran his hand up and down Mickey's back, while the Milkovich groaned and moaned loudly.

Ian made good of his promise, he fucked him way better than Josh did, and he made him scream and moan, hitting all the right spots, running his warm hands up and down his body. Ian dug his fingertips into Mickey's skin and Mickey wouldn't be surprised to find bruises there tomorrow, he let their bodies slap together hard and loudly, the sound mixing with both their moans.

"I'm coming", Mickey panted, he clenched around Ian a few times, who still hit his prostate dead on. Mickey moaned groaned and finally came on the sheet underneath him. He clenched around Ian while coming, Ian still fucked into him, holding tightly on to his hips. He moaned, he was close.

Mickey slowly came down from his high while Ian still thrusted in and out of him in his fast pace. Mickey let out quick, weak moans.  
Ian finally came too, his thrusts became erratic and quick, he filled the condom and eventually stilled inside of him. He leaned over him panting and pressed a kiss on his shoulder.

Mickey smirked. Ian pulled himself out of Mickey and threw the condom in the trash, Mickey let himself fall on the bed and watched Ian coming back and lying down next to him.

"If you still care, you fuck way better than Josh.", Mickey said smiling, Ian smiled at him lightly, he looked down Mickey's pale body and sighed.  
"I can understand why he would cheat on me with you, you're gorgeous."

Mickey frowned at him, "Don't say that. No matter what you think how hot I am, that doesn't give your boyfriend the right to cheat on you, nothing does. He's a piece of shit."  
Ian's smile died down completely, and he stared at the ceiling, "Then I'm a piece of shit too. I fucked you even though I'm still with him."

Mickey raised his eyebrows at him, "You're still together with him? After he cheated on you?"  
Ian shrugged, "It's okay, I can understand why he did it. It wasn't the first time either, I'll get over it. Maybe fucking you counts as getting even with him."  
"He cheated on you before?"  
Ian nodded.  
Mickey sat up, "Why are you still here then? He cheated on you multiple times, he didn't only fuck me once either you know? We've been at it for a few weeks. Why would you let him do that to you?"

"You don't understand that", Ian just said and looked away.  
"Yeah, exactly my point. I don't understand it. He's not great in bed and he's a horrible person, so what's holding you here?"

Ian sighed, contemplating if he should tell Mickey about the disorder. Explain why Josh sometimes had no other choice but to fuck someone else, that he tried his hardest, but it was really difficult for him though.

"Ian, seriously, leave that piece of shit."  
"No", Ian shook his head and sat up, "He loves me. It's just... it's difficult for him, being with me, that's all. So, it's okay if he slips sometimes, I mean, it's my fault anyways, if I wouldn't be the way I am he wouldn't do it..."

Mickey made him look at him, forced him to look him in the eyes, "Ian", he said calmly, "That's bullshit. He didn't just slip, he had an affair with me for weeks. Someone who cheats all the time and makes you feel like it's your fault, doesn't love you. It can't be your fault, you hear me? He cheats and that's on him. And if he does that, he doesn't really love you."

Ian pushed him away from him, "Shut up, you don't know him! He loves me. And he's the only one who ever will. You would never understand that anyways."  
Mickey ran his hand through his hair, "Why would you think it's your fault in the first place? Why would it be difficult to be with you if he loves you oh so much?"

Ian licked his bottom lip, he pulled his legs up to him and looked away from Mickey.  
"Ian?", he asked softly.  
"I'm sick", Ian said quickly, quietly and looked at him again, "I have a mental disorder, okay? Fucking bipolar. And that's not easy for him, it's not easy for anybody. I have to take pills every day and he always hates to see them, so I have to hide them. And sometimes I get depressed and lie in bed for weeks without talking to him and sometimes I get manic and turn the whole apartment into a mess and sometimes the meds get me so down that I can't get it up and we can't have sex for weeks. So yeah, it's difficult to be with me but that doesn't mean he doesn't love me!"

Mickey sighed and ran his hand through Ian's hair, "Maybe it's difficult sometimes, but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like shit. If he would love you, he'd be there for you and help you however he can, he wouldn't care if you can't get it up for a few days and he would take you to the doctors and would make sure you take your meds. He wouldn't cheat on you and tell you it's your own fault and make you feel like crap."

Ian shook his head scoffed, "That's easy for you to say, it's so easy too judge as long as you're not the one who has to live like this, live with someone like me. I can be glad that he loves me and is my boyfriend voluntarily. I'm grateful that he's at least there."

Mickey stared at him in disbelief, "Can't you see what he's doing to you? He broke your self esteem down to a point where you think you deserve being cheated on, you think he's the only person on this planet who would love you or is even willing to be with you, as if it would a horrible thing. You think this kind of relationship, this boyfriend who makes you feel so worthless is the best thing you could ever have and the only thing you deserve. But that's not true. You should never think that and someone who loves you would never make you feel this way. You need to get out of here."

Ian looked at him, he looked ashamed.  
"He shouldn't shame you for being sick, Ian. Get out of here, leave that piece of shit."  
Ian licked his bottom lip, "I've got nowhere to go", he mumbled, "He's the only one who wants me."  
"What about your family?"  
"Their house is already too crowded, they've got kids living there too, my siblings already had to deal with my mom having the disorder I'd just be causing problems around them."  
"Friends?"  
Ian bit his bottom lip and shrugged, "I don't... don't really have some... Josh says it's better to not get to close to people or my colleagues so I don't hurt them when I have an episode one day."

Mickey shook his head, "Okay, that's it, you're coming with me then, but don't fucking think I'd leave you to live with that asshole."  
"You don't even know me or my disorder, you can't just-"  
"Hell I fucking can. Take your things, you're coming with me. Everything is better than staying with someone like him. We'll figure something out, okay? You come with me and tomorrow we can go talk to your family or some shit, you can stay with me for however long you need. But you need to leave him or he's gonna be the death of you."

Ian looked at him and then through the bedroom, his eyes landed on a photo of him and Josh from when they were still happy.

"Hey, I'm not giving you a choice. Listen, I've seen this shit happening to my sister, okay? I know what I'm talking about, he's gonna be the death of you and I'm not letting that happen, so get up and get your stuff."

Ian looked at him confused but Mickey's concerned face made him finally stand up get his things together like he did a few days ago when he caught Josh and Mickey.

Almost thirty minutes later they had all of Ian's most necessary things together, some clothes, his toothbrush and of course his pills. He would get the rest another time.

"Okay, that's all?", Mickey asked him while they both put their shoes on.  
Ian nodded and looked around the apartment, not sure if it was the right thing to do.

Mickey stepped towards him and took his face into his hands, "Ian, look at me. You need to leave him now. I'll help you with everything. Trust me, okay?"  
"I don't even know you and you don't know me."  
"I know enough about you to know that you need to get the fuck out of here. You can get to know me later, you need to concentrate on yourself right now. Now come on.", Mickey took their jackets, when the apartment door opened.

Josh came home and stopped surprised when he saw Ian and Mickey and Ian's duffle bag.

"What the hell is going on here?"  
Mickey noticed how Ian immediately got smaller, he looked to the ground and bit his lip.  
"He's leaving you", Mickey said to Josh with a firm voice.  
"What? Why are you even here? Ian, what is he talking about?"  
"He's leaving you, because you're a cheating piece of shit that treats him like crap and makes him feel like he deserves this treatment."

"Our relationship is none of your business, Mickey! You don't know anything about us! We love each other, are you just trying to tear us apart because you're hurt that I didn't tell you about Ian?"  
"No, I wasn't hurt, I was angry. And because I was angry, I came here and fucked Ian. He gave it to me better than you, made me scream through the whole apartment. And now he's coming with me, because you're an abusive asshole."

"Abusive? You don't know anything! I would never hit him or anything, I never abused him! Ian, tell him-"  
"Emotional abuse. Talking him into thinking it's his fault that you cheat on him. Making him feel unworthy of anyone else's friendship or love, making him feel like a cheating boyfriend is the best thing he could ever get? Just because it's not easy sometimes? Come on, Ian, it's time to go."

He handed Ian his jacket, who took it hesitantly.  
"No, Ian, stay here. Don't listen to him, he's just jealous. I love you, you know that I love you babe."  
Ian looked at him uncertain and then to Mickey, the Milkovich took Ian's bag and held out his hand to Ian.  
"Come on Ian, you deserve a better love than what he's giving to you."

Ian looked from one man to the other, overwhelmed with the decision.  
"You know I love you, Ian, I just slipped with him, it won't happen again-"  
"We fucked for weeks, Ian. He's lying again. And it will happen again, it already happened so many times. Come."  
Ian looked at Mickey and his hand that he held out for him, he was about to make a step in his direction, in the direction of promises and happiness, but Josh grabbed his arm roughly.  
"Ian!", he said sternly, "Stay."  
"He's talking to you like to a dog, Ian. You're a person, you deserve better."

Ian looked back at Josh and pushed his hand away, "I deserve better", he repeated and looked at him angrily before taking Mickey's hand and leaving the apartment with him. They went downstairs quickly while Josh called after them.

Downstairs, out of the house, Ian leaned against the wall of the building and took a few deep breaths.  
Mickey watched him tearing up and went up to him.  
"It was the right thing Ian. Now come on, we go to my place and you have a drink and something to eat, okay?", he whispered and wiped Ian's tears away with his thumb. Ian nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian had been staying with Mickey for a few days. Mickey had made him block Josh's number because the man kept texting and calling the whole time.

They didn't have sex since the day Mickey got him out of that hellhole, but slept in one bed, since Mickey only had one.  
It was in the evening and they sat on Mickey's old couch, they just had pizza and were trying to settle for a movie.

"Mickey?", Ian asked eventually while Mickey was going through Netflix which he seemed to share with his whole family, they seemed to be a whole Milkovich clan, enough people to build a drug cartel on their own, Ian wouldn't be surprised if they were.

"Yeah?"  
"When you made me leave Josh you talked about your sister... what happened to her?"

Mickey looked at him and sighed deeply, he put the remote away, bit his lip, looked at the ground, "She died", he said finally, barely above a whisper, he looked back up at Ian, "She was in a relationship with a guy back then. People always cheated on her, always betrayed her and let her down, her whole life, until she got used to it, until she thought, she didn't deserve anything else. Then that boyfriend came along. At first, he treated her good, treated her better than any other guy before him. I liked him, approved their relationship, he seemed like a decent guy. So, she moved in with him. And he started cheating on her. Always... swore that it was the last and only time. He made her quit her job, wanted her to 'concentrate on herself' and then he started isolating her from her friends, from her family, from me. He made her feel like she was a burden to everybody else and that he was the only one who would ever truly love her. I tried to contact her so many times, I drove up to the house, tried to get her to leave, but she didn't want to. Because she believed him, she believed he was the only who loved her, even though I loved her more than anything in the world....", he took a deep breath, "And then he started hitting her. She always made up excuses and I tried everything... at some point I even forced her out of there, took her with me and promised to take care of her, but she just... went back to him. And I made her choose... I gave her the choice, come with me or stay with him and be miserable, I hoped she would finally choose freedom, but... she didn't. She stopped talking to me. Maybe he made her stop talking to me, I don't know. I just know that she stopped answering my calls, didn't want to let me into the house, didn't talk to me or open the door when I came over... So, I gave up. I asked my dad to do something, but he never cared. She cut off my brothers the same way and then... she died. Killed herself because she couldn't take the isolation and the beatings anymore... All I could think about was that I didn't try hard enough... I should have gotten her out of there at the beginning... I should have seen the signs and should have noticed what was wrong with the guy from the beginning."

There was a brief silence between them.

"It's not your fault Mick", Ian whispered.  
"It is... to a part at least. It's also my dad's fault and the guy's fault. But we took care of that.", he said coldly and clenched his jaw.

"Took care of that?", Ian asked uncertain if he really wanted to know what that meant.  
"He's dead now like he deserves. The first time my dad ever did something right, if you ask me."

Ian inched closer to him on the couch, "I'm so sorry that happened to you... to your sister."  
"It's okay", he mumbled and looked away.  
Ian took his face into his hands and made him look at him, "Thank you for rescuing me, Mickey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian was living with Mickey for several months now, all of his stuff from Josh's place was now at Mickey's place. It had taken Mickey and Ian effort and time, but he at least was able to see through Josh's abuse now, see through his lies and see that he was worthy of love and trust.

Mickey had encouraged him to connect with his old friends and colleagues and meet his siblings regularly.

Just what that was between them was still undefined.

Mickey had refused to have sex with Ian (what had been hard for him, especially since they slept in one bed) or engage in any romantic or sexual context with him.

Ian need to find his self-worth outside of a relationship, he couldn't tie it to any other guy than himself, Mickey had made that clear after Ian tried to kiss him and be cute with him several times.  
"Not yet Gallagher, tell me that you love yourself, then we can do whatever you want.", is what Mickey had said every time.

Ian had been happy that Mickey pretty much said that he wanted to be with him, or at least have sex with him. He hoped Mickey would still want him after all those months of trying to build Ian back up, because he slowly fell in love with Mickey.

He didn't know where it came from, but he knew that he loved him. Maybe he fell in love with the second he had made him escape Josh. And if not then he definitely fell in love with him over his effort to help him, how he did everything so Ian would be better, how he helped him reconnect with people and how he spoke softly to him and calmed him down when Ian felt so unworthy of love and trust, of Mickey's nice behaviour.

Mickey kept Ian's pills in the kitchen, not hidden away in the bathroom. Ian had to take the pills with food, so Mickey always made sure Ian had at least a sandwich or something to take his pills.

Ian felt way better now, but while he fell in love with Mickey, he wondered, if Mickey could ever actually love him back when he had to play his nurse all the time, when he saw him so low, saw him crying about Josh and about being a burden to people. But he knew he had to beat this narrative. He had to love himself regardless of other men loving him back, that was Mickey's condition to even consider sleeping with him in the first place.

If Mickey would reject him, that would hurt him, yes, but he would know that he was still worthy of love, that there were still people out there who would love him if Mickey didn't.

The day he came to this conclusion he felt extremely relieved all of a sudden. He felt like he finally made it. He was lucky that Mickey got him out rather soon in the process of Josh breaking him down, otherwise he would have ended up like Mickey's sister one day, no doubt.

Ian came home to Mickey's apartment.  
It was late, Ian had the evening shift and came home around 10 o'clock, Mickey would often be in bed already, but always left some food in the fridge for Ian.

The Gallagher walked into the kitchen and quickly found his dinner. Mickey had made pasta. Ian smiled, heated up the food and then ate it with his pills. After putting everything away he went to the bedroom to Mickey. The man lay in bed, he looked beautiful.

Ian took his clothes off and lay down next to him.  
"Mickey? Are you still awake?", he asked, when he saw him like that, he wanted to talk to him about his feelings immediately. Otherwise they wouldn't see each other until the next evening when Ian would come home so late again.  
"Mick?", he rubbed his shoulder, Mickey groaned.  
"Fuck off", he mumbled sleepily.  
"Mick, I need to talk to you", Ian whispered and turned Mickey around to him.

"Fuck off, let me sleep Ian."  
"It's important."  
"I bet it's not as important as my sleep."  
"But it is, are you listening?"  
"No, we can talk tomorrow"  
"I'll be home late tomorrow again, it needs to be now"  
"I hate you sometimes"  
"You don't", Ian smiled down at him, running his hand through Mickey's black hair.

"So, what do you want? I'm listening."  
"I love myself.", he whispered.  
"That's it? That's why you woke me up, couldn't you put that into a text?"

"No, you don't understand. You said, I have to love myself and then we can do whatever."  
"I'm not gonna fuck you, I'm barely conscious."  
"I'm not talking about fucking, Mickey... I just... I love you", he said and swallowed hard, he saw in the dark how Mickey opened his eyes slowly and raised his eyebrows, "And the thing is, even if you reject me I know that I still deserve someone to love me, even if it wouldn't be you, but I want it to be you because I love you really a lot and you're a good person and helped me so much and I really love that a lot."

Ian nervously looked at Mickey, who still stared at him in the dark.  
Finally, Mickey lowered his eyebrows again and smiled lightly, "Come here", he whispered and pulled him into a kiss.

Mickey was really tired so it a very slow, sleepy kiss, but Ian was okay with that. Mickey pushed him back into the pillows and cuddled up to him, draping half his body over him, Ian wrapped his arms around him.  
"I love you too", Mickey mumbled when he found a good sleeping position. Ian smiled in the dark and kissed the top Mickey's head.


End file.
